Petitioning The Church Not To Ratify This Pope

From a web site called "Tonecluster." (Another "cluster" came to mind after I read it.) Via Cracker Barrel Philosopher.

This has got to be the funniest thing I've ever read. These clowns are worse than clueless. Worst (best?) parts in bold. [Note the first paragraph is just the setup - keep reading! :-D]

I finally ran into the dumbest guitar player in the city yesterday, as we were recording some music for a documentary on the odd migration of Saharan albino hermit spiders. He knows I follow current events (or as he emails occasionally "currant events", which I think may refer to my daily breakfast of plain oatmeal and little sweet dried fruits that look like raisins but are like way smaller. But who knows with this guy) so he brings up topics for ..ah... discussion. Which in his reality is admitted by him to be "I like to push people's buttons and make them think", and coming from a guy whose 'think' button has been out of order since I've known him is grossly insulting. But I digress.

He tunes his guitar and then can't resist: "Dude, they elected some Nazi as Pope." He's not a Nazi, I explain. "Yeah he was, he was like an advisor to Hitler or something". What?!!? Really! He was 18 in 1945.. what'd he advise.. "RUN!"? "Quick, learn Russian!"? I calmly explain Ratzinger's history, and then it dawns on me: "What do you care, " I ask.. ".. you're Jewish!!". He goes on to explain that the Pope effects us all, has influence with reactionary governments like, say, our own and that the guy's a "Neocon".

Exsqueeze me?

"A neocon. The guy's a f&%*$*g warmonger fascist neocon. You don't think Bush had a hand in this? He now has a Pope who's a complete ally. We gotta do something man, I'm telling you!"

Wow. All I can say is wow and in a brief moment of hope "So, can we take it from measure 17 please? This time with the distortion pedal. . ."

In walks the dumbest guitar player in the city's girlfriend. She has a macchiato frappawhosits non-fat caramel croissantacino for herself and a double americano for her boy. Like Mr. button-pusher needs to be any more wired up than he already is? Oh well. She heard some of our conversation and chimes in "So yeah, if you're interested we're petitioning the church not to ratify this Pope."
Ratify? The Pope?

Oblivious to my frightened stare, she continued "We're getting a petition going and then maybe a march somewhere to get the Cardinals to not confirm this guy as Pope." I stammer a reply that he isn't ratified.. he's been selected. Done deal, got the cool hat and the new name and the roman numerals, finito.

"Oh, well, then we need to pressure these guys to put someone more liberal in there.. someone who's not a tool for the neocons."

Neocons again?

"Its a college, right? So they can take tenure away from the cardinals in the college if they don't impeach this guy. If we all band together, we can do it. We just have to get it to the President of the college.. that's the leader of Rome, I think".

Jeeeesus Murphy and his 21 piece orchestra. I say nothing. What can I say? So I say nothing and I wipe dust from my keyboard.

Guitar boy chimes in "Like this guy isn't dangerous? No, what I'm saying is that he even took the name "Benedict".. that's the Pope who started World War I and we're not supposed to be worried that he took the name of some warmongering Pope who slaughtered millions of people? Guys, I'm telling you, we have to convince everyone who isn't stupid to get this guy removed".

Really. Started WWI you say? Gee, I thought it was the Kaiser and the whole Guns of August thing, but I could be wrong. The Pope you say? Fascinating history. Barbara Tuchman, call your office.

Yeah man, so go read Kos, or the Democratic Underground." THAT explains it. That's where the truth is. That's where people aren't afraid to speak the truth and tell you what's really going on out there. They've been exposing this stuff for days. You have to do your research, that's what I'm saying."

I see. I would not mind the blather nearly as much if he wouldn't point his pinky finger at me as he spoke. Every. Point. Punctuated. By. Pinky. Finger. Stabbed. Accusingly. In. My. Direction. Watchit boy, you'll put an eye out with that thing. . .

The whole conversation was struck to a sudden and near-violent end when guitar-boy said "Well, I'm just going to call him Pope Nazi until he's forced to step down." and the percussionist, very calmly, informed us all that as an practicing catholic he found that name horribly offensive and would not respond peacefully if he heard such talk again. I cheerfully informed guitar-boy that with his enlightened argument he had clearly won over the Catholics present in the room. You know, pressing of buttons and such.

End of conversation and onto the recording of music for Saharan albino spiders.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Posted by Barbara Skolaut on Rantburg.com